My Heart is Breaking

He goes to our son’s wrestling meet but cannot be bothered to call me and let me know where he is…if he’s actually coming home or dead somewhere or possibly fucking his unconfirmed girlfriend. I try to bring up the subject and when I ask what he sees happening here, he blows up. Starts screaming. Because, you know of course, that even though HE MOVED OUT, it’s really all my fault. Day 5 of his move in and he’s still an asshole, still has no idea what he wants other than he doesn’t want ME to move on.

He says that since we spent years pushing each other away, he’s not about to ‘pretend’ everything is ok, which I am to assume means showing that he cares for me in anyway, including sleeping together, spending time together or even just being nice to each other. How we’re supposed to amazingly reconnect whilst being sure not to pretend is completely beyond my power to understand….maybe the relationship fairy will come down and fix everything for us. I’m so close to just giving up that it isn’t even funny. He doesn’t even look at me the same anymore…he has this guilty, strange look all of the time. Since he so obviously doesn’t love me anymore, why do I continue to take this punishment? Maybe I’m hoping for the relationship fairy, too…..