My Heart is Breaking

for a while now, I’ve been wondering what the point of all of this is..why stay together; he apparently still does not know exactly how he feels about me but I can tell it’s very different than what it was. how do I know? I can’t pinpoint it exactly..I just know.  Something is missing. I’m so numb that I’ve started to think that maybe it would be better to divorce; at least I’d feel something again.  Admittedly, when he moved out, I felt a lot of pain and I was a mess for quite a while…but at least I felt something. now..nothing, just numb.

I’ve been trying to figure out what I want from life and although these are very broad, the only thing I know for sure is that I want to be happy and I want to be loved. I feel like I’m missing out on both of those…no, I take that back; my kids love me, I know that.  But I want the warm, cherishing kind of a love that a man feels for a woman he cares deeply about. I’m starting to realize that I’ve been missing that for a very long time…